[He kind of just. Stares at that. The black cat in his lap shifts its position, moving to rub its head against his other hand. Its not a young cat, with flecks of gray around its head and neck.]
...This cat was a kitten, when we first found him.
[ she just... looks at the cat, the flecks of grey in its fur and the size of it and. wow that's a overwhelming thought even for her, and she hasn't lived through it all. ]
... So, what's changed? Ten years is a lot to live through. Did anything bad happen to you while you were stuck wherever you were?
... Very real, but you've just been torn out of it?
[ she pauses, and then just rests a hand on his elbow. that... hits closer to home that she'd have thought. living a life and thinking you had a place somewhere and having that fall out from under your feet when you least expect it.
[He's had it happen to him before. His whole life, upended in a single moment. He was able to move on from that, and he thinks he'll be able to move ahead after all of this, too, but...]
[It still hurts, in the moment.]
Basically.....well, we were taking care of a kid together. [A long pause. It seems difficult for him to talk about.] He really was just...a really good kid.
[ and now that's gone too. and wow, that hurts as well -- and if all this is hitting her surprisingly close to home and hurts her, she can only begin to imagine how raw it must be for hansa. having things and losing things without a second's warning hurts in ways that can't be described, she knows that. like some kind of gaping wound that you can't just patch up with bandages and watch over them as they heal.
... but there's a pause... because... why does it hurt? she's never experience anything like that, but there's this phantom ache that grips her hearing it.
she just turns in her seat. she can't hug him without disturbing the cat and she doesn't want to do that, so she just rests her forehead on his shoulder and squeezes her eyes shut. ]
[Luckily, Treasure jumps off his lap at Alex's movement, allowing Hansa to twist around, his arm around her in an embrace. Its not one he can feel, considering his sense of touch is gone today, but...]
[He heaves a sigh, resting his head against hers.]
... No it's not. Those places mess with you, and even if it's just there in that place, what happens is real to you.
[ bye kitty...
but with the cat there she's got more room to move her arm across his front to hug him back. she hadn't even gone through something as emotionally dense as he has, but... it's a lot. she knows that. even if she can't really comprehend it, fully. ]
[ yeah. that sounds about right. it's all real, even if it isn't. the fear she felt worrying about sora and faced with monsters, and whatever grief hansa's feeling now. it all happened to them, so it's real. and she really doesn't want him to just laugh it off and pretend it's okay. ]
Don't dismiss it then. Don't pretend it's okay when it's not.
[ she shifts her grip when he buries his head in her neck, so she can reach up and cradle the back of his head. ]
...I won't. Sorry. I mean, its easy to wave it off. I know its not okay.
[Because despite everything, he can be honest with himself. What happened was a tragedy. Its not something he can just brush aside, like it meant nothing in the end.]
[The sad thing is that he can't feel her touch, but he can sense the pressure - he heaves a sigh, tightening his embrace slightly.]
[ obviously she doesn't want him to feel sad, or to suffer but... dismissing it just doesn't feel fair either. grief takes time. ]
[ i don't think she actually knows touch is chosen "lost sense" for today for hansa, but when his arms tighten around she responds in kind automatically. ]
You're welcome. [ the hand against the back of his head brushes against his hair, almost on auto-pilot. ] You don't have to thank me for worrying about you, though. I think we're past all that.
[ she’s not about to rehash her opinion she’s just selfish and self-serving, even though she almost wants to by default. it hadn’t got her far last time. ]
[ instead she just laughs —- a very small and soft one ]
You act like it’s all one way. [ don’t sell yourself short here, hansa. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[He just glances down, smiling lightly, before drawing up his look to focus on her.]
Well, if I told you that its been ten years since I saw you last, would you believe me?
no subject
.... ??!!! her eyes go very wide at that. ]
I...
[ huh ]
... At this point I genuinely think anything can happen here.
no subject
[He says, a wry, but tired smile on his face.]
Anyways, I'm really not pulling your leg. We were all gone for ten years. But I guess this all passed in the blink of an eye for you guys.
no subject
[ she sighs. ]
You were all around this morning. It's probably only been a few hours?
no subject
[He kind of just. Stares at that. The black cat in his lap shifts its position, moving to rub its head against his other hand. Its not a young cat, with flecks of gray around its head and neck.]
...This cat was a kitten, when we first found him.
no subject
... So, what's changed? Ten years is a lot to live through. Did anything bad happen to you while you were stuck wherever you were?
no subject
[He looks...wistful.]
Emet-Selch and I and... [He stops, starts.] We lived together. And...ha. It really was a nice little family.
no subject
[ she pauses, and then just rests a hand on his elbow. that... hits closer to home that she'd have thought. living a life and thinking you had a place somewhere and having that fall out from under your feet when you least expect it.
twice.
her hand tightens subconsciously. ]
It hurts in a way you can't really describe, huh?
no subject
[He's had it happen to him before. His whole life, upended in a single moment. He was able to move on from that, and he thinks he'll be able to move ahead after all of this, too, but...]
[It still hurts, in the moment.]
Basically.....well, we were taking care of a kid together. [A long pause. It seems difficult for him to talk about.] He really was just...a really good kid.
no subject
... but there's a pause... because... why does it hurt? she's never experience anything like that, but there's this phantom ache that grips her hearing it.
she just turns in her seat. she can't hug him without disturbing the cat and she doesn't want to do that, so she just rests her forehead on his shoulder and squeezes her eyes shut. ]
I'm sorry.
[ what else is she supposed to say? ]
no subject
[Luckily, Treasure jumps off his lap at Alex's movement, allowing Hansa to twist around, his arm around her in an embrace. Its not one he can feel, considering his sense of touch is gone today, but...]
[He heaves a sigh, resting his head against hers.]
I'm glad I...got to see you, again.
no subject
[ bye kitty...
but with the cat there she's got more room to move her arm across his front to hug him back. she hadn't even gone through something as emotionally dense as he has, but... it's a lot. she knows that. even if she can't really comprehend it, fully. ]
[ ... she huffs out something like a laugh. ]
Thank you for coming back.
no subject
[His son was....very real to him, even if....]
[Treasure just curls up at Hansa's feet, looking up at the two curiously. Hansa huffs, burying his head in the crook of Alex's neck.]
Missed me that much, huh. [He sounds faintly amused.] I missed you too.
no subject
Don't dismiss it then. Don't pretend it's okay when it's not.
[ she shifts her grip when he buries his head in her neck, so she can reach up and cradle the back of his head. ]
Of course I'd miss you. Don't be stupid.
no subject
[Because despite everything, he can be honest with himself. What happened was a tragedy. Its not something he can just brush aside, like it meant nothing in the end.]
[The sad thing is that he can't feel her touch, but he can sense the pressure - he heaves a sigh, tightening his embrace slightly.]
Thank you.
no subject
[ obviously she doesn't want him to feel sad, or to suffer but... dismissing it just doesn't feel fair either. grief takes time. ]
[ i don't think she actually knows touch is chosen "lost sense" for today for hansa, but when his arms tighten around she responds in kind automatically. ]
You're welcome. [ the hand against the back of his head brushes against his hair, almost on auto-pilot. ] You don't have to thank me for worrying about you, though. I think we're past all that.
no subject
[He's just silent for now, not knowing what else to say. Except, maybe...]
You're so good to me, Alex.
no subject
[ instead she just laughs —- a very small and soft one ]
You act like it’s all one way. [ don’t sell yourself short here, hansa. ]
no subject
[Sure you are, Hansa.]
no subject
For what, exactly?
no subject
no subject
Mmhm. Well, let me know when you’ve figured something out.
[ she sounds exactly like she doesn’t believe him! ]